He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
