This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
