i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
