I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
