I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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