I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
