I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
