i think my mom watched the whole time
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
