Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
