dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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