Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
