My nipple is on Facebook.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.