Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole

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(817): i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole http://tfl.nu/vkxw

Replies (21) Good night (833) Bad night (6925)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.

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(215): I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons. (267): I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner. http://tfl.nu/vxtv

Replies (12) Good night (1100) Bad night (4592)
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(217): View more from Illinois

i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick

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(217): i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick http://tfl.nu/rn55

Replies (5) Good night (5577) Bad night (952)
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(213): View more from California

Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.

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(213): Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain. http://tfl.nu/121u

Replies (3) Good night (2238) Bad night (1074)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.

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(918): He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things. http://tfl.nu/ox9y

Replies (16) Good night (1178) Bad night (2886)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.

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(414): He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after. http://tfl.nu/s41l

Replies (8) Good night (3559) Bad night (735)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.

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(832): You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it. http://tfl.nu/3ywv

Replies (25) Good night (5518) Bad night (1313)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?

(1-443): View more from Maryland

A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.

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(443): Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever? (1-443): A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month. http://tfl.nu/w6z0

Replies (17) Good night (1291) Bad night (697)
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(563): View more from Iowa

I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?

(208): View more from Idaho

Beautiful, beautiful reality

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(563): I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality? (208): Beautiful, beautiful reality http://tfl.nu/pfhr

Replies (3) Good night (1994) Bad night (477)
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(217): View more from Illinois

You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you

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(217): You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you http://tfl.nu/uqrj

Replies (2) Good night (1843) Bad night (483)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy

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(720): Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy http://tfl.nu/3y1o

Replies (4) Good night (906) Bad night (185)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.

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(781): i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops. http://tfl.nu/wb46

Replies (1) Good night (438) Bad night (166)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me

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(317): Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me http://tfl.nu/2azp

Replies (1) Good night (359) Bad night (175)
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(775): View more from Nevada

All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting

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(775): All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting http://tfl.nu/uofe

Replies (0) Good night (242) Bad night (571)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.

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(816): Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question. http://tfl.nu/xpn9

Replies (0) Good night (255) Bad night (145)

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