I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
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Liz is crying about burritos again.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better