never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.