I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
