I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.