What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.