I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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