I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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