I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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