if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
