Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
