Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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