I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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