You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
