Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
