I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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