why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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