I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
