i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
