and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I didn't notice because vodka
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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