I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
