cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
