So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
