haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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