I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
