I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
