I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
