ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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