If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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