dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
