My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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