Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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