hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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