I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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