Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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