if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
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I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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