And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just pee around me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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