If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
