At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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