Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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