I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
