What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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