she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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