Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Text me some of your sweat
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dear god my vagina.
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