dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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