Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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