if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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