Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
