I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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