Your tits are I can't wait for
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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