Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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