I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This house was built for laser tag.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
